Someone Like you
by lovinggreys
Summary: Meredith left Seattle 3 years ago and tried to forget everything what happened there, but fate brings her back to save one of her dearest friends. i know it had is done 100 times but give it a shot!
1. Chapter 1 Proloque

**Proloque.**

It has been three years now.

She looked at the pictures in the small, light blue box and realized it has been three years already. Three years ago she was happy. Three years ago they were kissing each other by the ferryboats. Three years ago, she had the best feeling in the whole world. She was young, had a good job, a couple of friends who she considered as family and a guy who was the love of her life. But who knew that the best feeling in the world could change so quickly?

A single tear went down her cheek. The pain she felt the day after wasn't gone completely. Even after three years she felt it sometimes. But on these kind of days the pain became unbearable. She didn't want to think of it anymore. She didn't want to remember it. She didn't want to remember the things that happened because things that happened after she kissed him goodbye at the ferry were indescribable.

She took another picture and looked at it. There were two guys and three girls at the picture, including her. Another tear felt down. They were her friends, her family. There was this feeling in her stomach now. It felt like she left them. They still called and e-mailed with each other, but it wasn't the same. They were in Seattle and she was all the way in Paris.

She whipped her tears from her face and put the box back in the closet. she knew that she needed to get her mind of the past. Her friends in Seattle had their own life and so did he. Her friends didn't talk about him so she didn't knew exactly how he was, but she knew that he was okay, or even more than okay. And so was she, right?

She looked at the box again. She pretended that she was fine, but she knew better. She wanted to go back and this day made her want to go back even harder. But she knew she couldn't do that. And she had to say, her life in Paris was good. She was almost ready with her residency. In about two months, she was an attending. And she lived in a beautiful apartment, nearby the hospital. Paris was actually pretty great.

But it's not Seattle.

"Meredith, are you okay?"

Suddenly her thoughts were gone. She was back to reality. She sighed and looked at the guy in the doorway. She nodded and gave him a little smile.

"Jeah, just miles away ," and she stood up to follow the guy.

It has been three years now, but sometimes it felt like it was yesterday…


	2. Chapter 2 I Do This Every Day

**1. I do this every day.**

Meredith looked at the wall in front of her. The big blue letters on the wall said "la Renaissance Sanitaire". It was the hospital where Meredith has been working the last two and a half year. It was a nice hospital with a pretty good education program and the attendings were actually kind of cool. And the big plus was that she could focus on two specialty's. You choose one specialty, but you still have the freedom to develop on other area's too.

"Mer, are you coming?"

Meredith looked at the big door and saw Rachelle. She smiled and followed her inside. Rachelle was one of the last year residents who had chosen cardio. She was, together with Jean, the friends Meredith had in Paris. Rachelle kind of reminded her of Cristina and Izzie. She had the being hardcore and passionate from Christina, but the soft and caring side from Izzie. If she wanted, she could let every guy beg for her, with her long, dark brown curls and her icy blue eyes. But she was too much focusing on medicine, and Meredith knew that she didn't care much about boys. And Jean was as gay as a person could be, but Meredith liked him a lot. Something reminded her of George, but Jean was also very different. He was not the "girly" gay type, but you could say that he was gay the minute you saw him. He was tall, had dyed his hair blonde and had actually a very charming smile.

When she put her bag in her locker at the residents lounge, she felt two hands. She smiled and turned around.

There was a guy with light brown hair and kind, green eyes. He had a smile on his face. "How is my favorite resident?"

"You asked that yesterday, and this morning when I woke up, and when I went to work," Meredith answered, still smiling.

The guys smile slowly disappeared. "I know, but I'm worried. You seemed off yesterday."

Meredith sighed. She didn't want to think of yesterday. "I know and I'm sorry. It will be better today, I promise."

He didn't seemed convinced. "Mer, if there's something wrong you can tell me, you know that."

"Jake come on! It's okay now! Stop asking, please."

He looked at her and kissed her forehead. "Okay I'll stop."

Meredith sat down on the bench in the resident lounge and stared at Jake while he was changing his clothes. He was good to look at, that was for sure. He was a little bit toned and was well trained. But still, Meredith didn't found him as attractive as the nurses found him. He wasn't as tall as she liked him to be, and he had a little bit of a baby face. But still, she liked him. A lot. Since she became to work at this hospital, the two were friends. And slowly, it became clear that Jake liked her. Meredith thought that he would be the right guy to forget Derek, and she was right. The longer she was with him, the more she forgot about him, or Seattle.

Jake looked around and called everyone with him. That was when Meredith snapped out of her thoughts. "Listen up people. It's a busy day," she heard him say. "Some nurses have t flue so we have to do our very best. L'abeille, you're at cardio today. Grey, general. Salvie, you're with me in the ER. D'avigne, you're running the pit. If there is some kind of trouble, page the chief or doctor Daughtry. Clear?"

Just like the other residents, Meredith nodded her head and took her lab coat. She was excited to be on general today. It was one of the areas in which she had interest and a very good potential. And above that, doctor Daughtry was one of the finest doctors of this hospital so it was a honor to learn from her.

"Let's go people! We don't have all day!" Jake said while he was already walking.

Meredith looked at Jean and smiled. He had the same expression on his face as she. It was going to be a long, long day.

* * *

><p>"I hate him. He won't even look at me! It's like I am some kind of ghost or something." Rachelle sighed and sat on the chair in the cafeteria.<p>

Jean started to laugh. "What did he do this time?"

"Nothing! That's the problem. I am standing there, in the OR, and I am not allowed to do anything! I'm not an intern anymore!"

"Well maybe you have to talk to him about it."

Meredith was listening to the conversation quietly. She didn't knew what Rachelle had done to piss Du Pont off, but there had to be a good reason. But knowing Rachelle, she wouldn't admit if she had done something wrong.

Rachelle started to get angry. "I can't! He won't listen!"

"Rach, relax! There has to be a good reason! Would you just sit down and eat?" said Jean, who was slowly becoming a little annoyed by the whole thing. He just wanted to have a peaceful meal with his friends.

"I will if he stops being so passive aggressive!"

"It's the same thing as Derek always did." Meredith blurted.

Her friends looked shocked in her direction, but they weren't as shocked as Meredith herself. She never talked about her past. Derek was a chapter which she closed a long time ago. She didn't use his name anymore. She even asked her friends in Seattle to shut up about him.

Jean tried to break the silence. "Meredith, do you want to talk about it? It must have been hard for you yesterday."

"Yeah Mer, we're here for you, even if we don't know Derek, we can still listen to your story. It will help."

Meredith stared blankly at Jean and Rachelle. She knew that they meant it well, but the only thing she felt was anger.

"Listen and listen carefully. I will only say this once. I don't want to talk about it. I didn't talk about him for the past three years and I won't talk about him for the next three years. He's in the past and he will stay in the past. Is that clear?"

Rachelle and Jean looked at her, not knowing what to say. They just sat there and looked at her.

Meredith sighed. "Now, if you'll excuse me. I have to go check on a patient."

* * *

><p>Ten hours later, Meredith was ready for the day. She actually had to work until seven, but she volunteered to scrub in on a emergency craniotomy on a six year-old. The little girl was so scared, but when Meredith came she kind of relaxed. But that resulted in a four hour surgery.<p>

"Are you going home?" Jake asked.

Meredith nodded. "I'll be down in a sec."

She knew that she was a little hard on Rachelle and Jean, but she couldn't help it. Everyone was asking if she was okay and it started to annoy her.

When she walked downstairs, she saw Jake waiting for her at the door. He smiled when he saw her and it made Meredith feel happy.

Jake hold the door. "do you want to grab a drink? Maybe Jean and Rachelle could join us if you want?"

"wait one minute," Meredith said while she was taking her phone out of her bag. Surprisingly, there was a little green light at the top of her blackberry. She unlocked her phone and read the text message. First, she was surprised that it was Cristina. It was too expensive to send messages, so they e-mailed and skyped. But when she read the message, she got a strange feeling.

_You need to call me. It's urgent... X Cris._


	3. Chapter 3 One Call Is Enough

**2. One call is enough.**

Everyone knows the feeling. The feeling that one simple phone call can change your life. The call about your acceptance in college. The call about that one job you wanted. The call of the hospital about the results of that one test. The call from a friend about something urgent.

"I have to call her," Meredith said with panic in her voice.

Jake looked at her. "Mer, I'm sure she can wait. Let's grab a drink first, it's already late."

Meredith heard his annoyed tone. "No Jake, she can't wait. Christina said it was urgent. I know that you don't like it when I talk to one of them because you think that I should let it go, but they are also my friends and she needs me. Now if you'll excuse me." She walked away, leaving Jake alone at the parking lot.

"She wants what?" The bottle Jake had had in his hand hit the bar. Not only he, but also Jean and Rachelle looked at Meredith with disbelief in their eyes, waiting for her to say it was a joke.

"She wants me to go to Seattle for a consult," Meredith said impatiently and she sighed. She knew that Christina wouldn't ask such thing if it wasn't urgent, but it was kind of strange. Why would she ask for a resident and not for an attending who had the experience?

Rachelle was the one who broke the silence. "Are you going?"

Meredith looked at her. Not only was it the first thing Rachelle said since that afternoon, but she also didn't know the answer. It would bring up the past again and it would be painful and she didn't know if she could handle it. The last thing she wanted was seeing Derek again.

"I don't know yet. I think I want more information first. She said that it wasn't a case directly linked to my specialty, but that I would find it interesting anyway." When Meredith finished her sentence, she realized how weird that sounded.

Jean looked at her with a smile. "If it's some kind of medical mystery, I want to join! I'm dying to put my name on a medical case."

"Oh can I join too? I've always wanted to visit America and you can always use an extra set of hands over there!" Rachelle said exited.

Meredith looked at Jake, who was quiet the whole time. She knew he didn't liked this topic. And She also knew that it was for him to decide if she could go or not. He was her supervisor and he had to discuss it with the chief of surgery.

"I have to think about it. Let's wait for the information first. Should we get another round?" Everyone nodded and Meredith walked to the bar. While she was waiting for the waiter, she felt her phone buzzing.

_I really hope you can come. You know I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important. X_

Meredith sighed. She knew Christina was right. It had to be important otherwise she wouldn't ask such favor. Maybe she just had to do it. Apparently she couldn't hide from the past, so why not embrace it? Maybe it would all be over after that and she could let the past be the past. And, on the plus side, it was a nice occasion to see her friends back in Seattle again, and for them to meet her friends from Paris. The only thing she didn't want, was to see Derek. She was happy with Jake, at least sort of happy, and the last thing she needed was something or someone interfering that. She could just go for a short visit, do all the paperwork at her former house and see the patient when necessary. It would be quick and dirty, but at least she didn't have to face Derek.

Meredith ordered another round and took her phone. She looked at the table where she saw Jake looking at her. She knew she would get in trouble for this, but it felt kind of right.

_I will do my best. Send me the info and I will talk to the chief and Jake. You can count on me. X Mer._

"What did you send?" Jake asked immediately when Meredith was back with the drinks. She sighed.

"Mer, well thanks for the drinks! That's sweet of you," she said sarcastic.

"That isn't an awnser." Jake started to get impatient and tapped with his fingers on the table. He knew that it annoyed Meredith, but he couldn't care less.

"I know. But I think that it's none of your business actually," she answered.

Jake hit the table with his hand and looked angry at Meredith. "Come on Meredith, cut the crap! It is my business! What did you sent to Christina!"

"I said that she can count on me." Meredith answered briefly, waiting for more angriness of Jake, but he did nothing. She knew that this wasn't the end and that it would carry on at home, but she couldn't care. This felt right.


	4. Chapter 4 You've Got To Fight

**3. you've got to fight for your right.**

"Jake, stop it! You only make things worse! If you don't want me to go to Seattle, just say so. But don't you think that it's a bit hypocrite that you just can't stand the fact that they are calling me for a medical case instead of you? Because that's what this is all about, isn't it!" Meredith was furious. When she and Jake got home, the fight became much worse. They didn't spoke inside the car, but when the front door was locked it was on. Jake started yelling right away and said that he didn't allowed her to go to Seattle.

Jake laughed sarcastically. "Do you really think that's what this is all about? About me being jealous? Come on! I thought you knew me better by now!"

"How should I supposed to know," Meredith yelled back. "You don't talk to me about it so I have to make up my own conclusion, don't I?"

"That's not what this is about Meredith and you know it! This is not me being jealous about some stupid medical case! It's for your own damned good! You are the one who said that you wanted to forget Seattle. How can you forget that if you are going! Goddamned Meredith, how can you be so blind!"

The moment after was a repeat of most of the fights Meredith and Jake had. Jake lost it. His breathing was fast and his face turned red. He looked around and took a vase from the table and threw it in Meredith's way, almost hitting her. After that, it was silent.

She sighed and closed her eyes, trying to calm down. Her heart was racing and she was kind of terrified he would do something more, but she knew that she knew better. Normally, Jake was a sweetheart, a good man. But when he got angry he was one of the most stubborn person she knew. There wasn't an option to discuss things with him at this point. When he was angry, his opinion about something was the law. And with that, he got a very big temper.

She tried to re-enforce herself, ignoring the glass and the water on the floor. "It's not about the past," Meredith said firm. "For me it's a great opportunity to see my friends from Seattle again and to solve a big medical case! It will only be work related!"

Jake looked at Meredith with disbelief in his eyes. "How do I know that? How do I know that it won't get personal! These last few days it was only about Derek! Oh don't look so shocked Meredith, everyone noticed!"

But Meredith said nothing. Was it true? He was on her mind, but that was just the time of the year. And if it was up to her, Derek would be buried somewhere deep inside her mind. She closed her eyes and tried not to lose it. She didn't want to look weak in front of Jake.

"I think this discussion is useless. Let's get some sleep and talk about it tomorrow, okay?" Meredith turned around and walked to the stairs, hoping Jake would follow.

"No."

It took a second before Meredith realized what Jake said. After that, she turned back and looked at him. She didn't know what to think and what to suspect, but she knew that she was the one getting angry at this point.

"No? What do you want to do then? More yelling? More fighting? More throwing things at me? Come on Jake, spit it out! You know I can handle it!"

But Jake didn't seem angry anymore. He was calm, almost too calm. He just looked at Meredith, thoughtful, like he was searching for the right words.

Meredith shook her head. "this is useless. We'll talk about it tomorrow. Goodnight Jake." And she walked up the stairs.

Suddenly, Jake spoke. "I want to be sure that you only go to Seattle for work, not for personal stuff. And even when it will get personal, I want to be sure that when you come back, you still be with me."

Meredith stood still, her eyes closed. She tried to get what he was saying, but she couldn't. "What do you mean?" she whispered after a while.

"I mean that if you will see Derek at the hospital and things get personal, you still will come back to me. I love you Meredith, I love you more than he ever will. You have to keep that in mind." Jakes voice sounded weak.

Meredith didn't understand what he was saying. Was he trying to solve this? Or was he trying to say goodbye to her? She didn't know. Her mind was fuzzy and she couldn't think anymore. She turned around again so she could see his face, hoping that she could read something of it, but she couldn't.

Jake looked at her and he slowly came closer. Meredith's heart started racing again and she got scared again, preparing herself for the worst.

Jake stood in front of her now and looked at her. Suddenly, he began to speak again. "I am so sorry Meredith," he said soft.

She sighed and relaxed. "I know," she whispered.

Jake grabbed her hand and looked Into her eyes. He tried to ignore the fear he saw and sighed. "Meredith Grey, will you marry me?"


	5. Chapter 5 With Two Feet On The Ground

**4. With two feet on the ground.**

Meredith was staring at a silver ring with a big diamond on top of it. She sat in one of the chairs at the plane and all she could do was stare. Jean and Rachelle, who decided to come with her to Seattle, were asleep peacefully. But Meredith couldn't sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw the past week rushing by. It was an extremely busy week with a lot of appointments and conversations about her going to Seattle. And on top of that she agreed to marry Jake. But since she did she couldn't sleep. A thousand thoughts rushed through her head every night. Some of the thoughts were good, but most of them were doubt. Did she made the right choice? Wasn't she going too fast? Did she really love Jake enough to marry him?

And then, there were the memories. It seemed that they decided to pop up in Meredith's mind much more frequent then before and it bothered her. Yes, she was going to Seattle but it was strictly business. It wasn't likely that she would see Derek, she didn't even know if he still worked at Seattle grace hospital.

"Would you like to have a pillow or a blanket miss?"

Meredith looked up and shook her head. She wasn't going to sleep anyway. She grabbed her bag and took the patient file Christina sent to her a couple of days ago. Because she had to take care of everything, she didn't had a chance to read the file of the case.

When she looked at it, she saw something strange. There wasn't a name. Instead of that, there was written "patient x" all over the file. She also couldn't see if the whole case was about a male or female. The strange feeling Meredith had about this case only grew bigger by the minute, but she started to read. The patient had multiple myeloma, bone marrow cancer. They started with chemotherapy and radiation but it didn't seem to help. The patient started to have renal failure, headaches and severe muscle weakness. They considered a bone marrow transplant but the patient was too weak. The patient started to have lung problems too and that was the point where Christina called Meredith.

Meredith sighed. There were too many things not right about this case. Why wasn't oncology on this case? Why did they call the patient "patient x"? Why did they ask her instead of a specialist or even a more experienced attending?

With all the questions in mind, Meredith fell into a restless sleep.

* * *

><p>"I can't believe that we're in Seattle! So this is where you grew up? It's such a nice place Mer! We have to go sightseeing! Oh and shopping! We have to do that too!" Rachelle was practically jumping around when they finally landed and stood outside the airport. Jean started laughing, but Meredith didn't respond. She just looked impatient on her cell phone for the second time in five minutes. She was excited to see Cristina again, but also kind of nervous. It had been three years since she saw her best friend. And Izzie, Lexie, Alex and George of course.<p>

"What do you think, Mer? Should we go visit the Space Needle first, or the famous ferryboats you told us about?" Jean was almost just as excited as Rachelle. He walked around with a smile on his face is since they landed. But Meredith still didn't respond. Her eyes were looking at the parking lot across the street. She thought she saw Cristina, but she wasn't sure.

"Mer, is everything all right?"

Meredith looked up. "I'm sorry, miles away. What did you ask?" She asked, still not looking away from the parking lot.

Rachelle and Jean started laughing. "I asked if everything was all right," Jean said. "Mer, there is no need to be nervous!"

"What? I'm not ner-" Meredith stopped. "Christina!" She waved and started walking towards her old friend. Rachelle and Jean followed with the luggage.

"What are you doing?" Cristina looked kind of scared when Meredith started hugging her. But she didn't let go. "I hug nowadays. Get used to it."

Christina started laughing and hugged back. When they were finished, she introduced herself to Jean and Rachelle and walked them to the car. The whole ride, Jean, Rachelle and Cristina were talking about medical stuff. Meredith just smiled. She was finally back in Seattle. She didn't knew she longed to get back, but now she was with two feet on the ground, she knew. She had to come back.

With surprise washed all over her face looked Meredith at her old house. Nothing had changed. The bar at the kitchen was the same, the photos were the same, even the smell was the same. She couldn't believe it. Even after three years, the house was the same, dusty, old house as before.

"So, did you read the file?" Cristina asked when she walked in. She had shown Rachelle and Jean their rooms and gave them a little tour.

Meredith nodded while she was playing with the cream on top of her coffee. She didn't knew where to start. Work was always Cristina's priority, but she just wanted to know how things were going. "Where are George and Izzie? And Alex and Lexie? I thought we could go to Joe's tonight, maybe take Rachelle and Jean with us to get to know the group."

Cristina smiled. "they are working. I think they are finished at eleven, but I'm not sure. But we can go anyway, they will join us if they can."

Meredith nodded. "how is the patient?" she asked carefully. She didn't know why, but something didn't feel right.

"Stable, for now." Cristina took a soda from the fridge and grabbed a seat.

Meredith looked at her. "what's wrong with this case? Why did you call me instead of somebody else?"

"Because I think you'll be interested," Cristina answered short. It was clear to Meredith that she didn't want to talk about the case.

She put her coffee down. "And what's with this "patient x" stuff? If I will be the doctor on this case, I have to know his name!"

Cristina sighed. "Mer, calm down. The patient requested it, okay? There's nothing strange about this case."

Meredith started to get inpatient. "But why is it that-"

"Mer! You're here!" She heard. She looked up and saw Izzie and Lexie. She smiled, stood up and hugged them.

"Oh Mer, it's so good to see you! Let me look at you," Izzie shrieked. "You look happy, you glow! You aren't pregnant, are you?"

Lexie suddenly yelled. "My God! Is that a wedding ring?"

Meredith nodded and the two girls started to giggle and to congratulate her. Cristina just sat there and watched the whole thing. She knew Meredith was engaged the night Jake asked her, so it wasn't news to her anymore. She was just happy that the subject was changed. At least, for now.


	6. Chapter 6 Afraid Of The Truth

**5. Afraid of the truth.**

Normal people would find hospitals a scary place. They want to avoid the place because entering the doors means trouble. It could be nothing, and people know that, but there always goes an alarm off when they hear the word hospital. The word is related to sickness, operations, pain and even death.

But Meredith wasn't one of those persons who was afraid of hospitals, or at least, she thought she wasn't. She knew she kind of loved the place. It was where she grew up, where she met her friends and where she started her career. And maybe it weren't hospitals she was afraid of. Maybe it was just this one hospital; Seattle Grace.

She stood outside the doors, looking at the big sign at the wall of the hospital. It was the hospital where she spent almost her entire life, but now she was afraid of it. When she went to Paris, she left everything behind. One day she worked at Seattle Grace, the next she was in Paris with no job. It took her a while to ask the chief if he could write a recommendation, but when she explained the whole situation, he understood it.

But, he and her friends were the only people who knew what the situation was back then, but the other doctors didn't. She knew they had judged her and that they had spoken about her a lot. And Everyone had a different story about her, but none of them was the right one. And now she was back at the hospital she left behind three years ago and she was afraid.

"Meredith! You're back!" Richard Webber walked to her with a giant smile on his face.

Meredith smiled back and hugged him. "I'm not back, chief. I'm here but I'm not back." She let him go and looked at him. He maybe became older, but he was still the same man. The chief of Seattle Grace, the guy who loved her mother, and the man who was the closest thing she had of a dad.

"I am sorry that I left, Richard," she mumbled. Instead of the fear she felt before she had a different feeling; guilt.

Richard shook his head. " It's okay, Meredith. It's more than okay, actually. I mean, look at you! You shine! You are getting married, you became a good doctor and you look happy!"

"How do you know that I'm getting married?" she asked suspicious. "I'm sure that I didn't tell you?"

Richard smiled. "Stevens told me this morning. You know her, she can't keep her mouth shut."

Meredith laughed. "Well, I know that now," she said, while she was walking through the doors of Seattle Grace Hospital. There was no way back now.

* * *

><p>"Okay, the patient is scheduled for a MRI this afternoon, and we have an appointment with all the doctors to discuss a treatment plan," Christina said to Meredith, but she wasn't listening. Her eyes were focused at the nurses' station and her mind was miles away.<p>

Christina gave her a push. "Mer? Wake up, please."

"I'm sorry I was just… It's so overwhelming. I left three years ago and everything is the same. The nurses are the same, the doctors are the same, even the hideous paint on the walls is the same!" She rambled with a fake smile on her face.

"Meredith, I know you are not looking at the paint. You are looking for McDreamy." Christina waited for her reaction. When she saw her smile disappear, she continued. "I know you don't want to talk about him, but you will have to."

"Actually, I don't. I will not see him, I will not talk about him, and I will not talk with him. I don't, unless he is in the team of doctors of patient X?"

There was a silence. Meredith looked at Christina and tried to read her, but she couldn't. Normally, she knew what Christina was thinking, only by looking at her, but now she couldn't.

When she was opening her mouth, Christina started to speak. "You are right. You don't have to. He doesn't work here anymore."

"What?"

"McDreamy doesn't work here anymore. He handed in his letter of resignation a couple of months ago," Christina said carefully.

Meredith didn't say a thing. She had prepared herself for the worst. She thought that she would see him, or even had to work with him. But this was so much easier now! He wasn't in this hospital and she didn't have to worry anymore.

She sighed as relief. "That's good to hear. I know it's strange to say, but I'm happy to hear that. I was preparing myself for the worst, you know?"

"Meredith, I –"

"No Christina, it's okay. I don't have to know what he is doing now and I don't have to know where he is now," Meredith interrupted, the sound of her voice much lighter than before. "I have to go to administration, early lunch with the rest?"

Christina nodded and watched Meredith walked away.

* * *

><p>While Meredith was sitting behind the computer, she was smiling. Even the old password was the same as three years ago. The only thing that wasn't the same was that Derek was gone from this hospital. Unwillingly she became to wonder where he was now an how he was. She knew that she said that she didn't want to know, but the more she was thinking about it, the more questions came in her head.<p>

"Okay, focus," she whispered to herself and began to look through the medical books she took from the library. She knew that she needed to read up a lot about the kind of cancer patient X had if she actually wanted to achieve something in this case. Although she still didn't knew the details about the patient, the fact that there was a meeting later this day about the case comforted her.

"Hey Mer, how are you doing?"

Meredith looked up and smiled. "I'm fine Lex, you? Everything okay with patient x? I saw that you are on the case?"

Lexie grabbed a chair. "He's stable, and yeah I'm on the case. Kind of cool, don't you think? I can't wait to work with you again!"

Meredith smiled when she heard Lexie's enthusiasm. At first, Meredith didn't like Lexie, or at least, the thought of Lexie. But when she left, she started to mail her half-sister and they became close. "Me neither. It's like I never went away! Do you know who is also on the case?"

"Well, Christina and mostly are, and all the attendings. And your friends are on it too I guess. How long are you staying?"

"At least for a couple of weeks, but I am not sure. I think it depends on the treatment plan."

"Good, good. That's good. Do you already know when the wedding will be?"

Meredith couldn't help it but notice that there was a little crack inside Lexie's voice, like she was nervous or something. "I don't know yet. Jake is trying to take care of some wedding stuff while I'm gone so I guess I'll be hearing it soon." Meredith looked at het watch. "Lex, how I love to chat, you have to let me study! Because I don't know much about cancer or tumors or chemo and I have to be prepared with the meeting coming up this afternoon," she said with a smile, while she was staring at the computer screen again.

Lexie sighed and her face dropped. . "That's not why I'm here, to chat. I need to talk to you."

Meredith turned around. "Please could it wait until after the meeting? I have to read this." But while she said it, she saw that there was something going on. Lexie's face was serious and her eyes were sad.

"No Meredith, this can't wait. Christina demanded me to go talk to you."

Meredith looked at Lexie. "What are you talking about? What are you all hiding from me? Is it something about Derek? Is he coming back or something, because if he is you have to tell me so I can prepare myself. Please Lexie, tell me. What is going on here?"

"Meredith, it is Derek," Lexie said soft, fighting for her tears.

"what?"

A tear fell down Lexie's cheak. "Patient x is Derek, Mer."

It felt like she was punched in the stomach. She looked at Lexie with big eyes. Her breath started to speed up and she started the panic. She heard Lexie say something, but she didn't hear it. From that moment, everything went black.


	7. Chapter 7 The New Version Of Me

**6. The New Version Of Me**

'Meredith, are you awake?'

Slowly, Meredith opened her eyes. She looked next to her and saw Christina, Rachelle, and Lexie standing at the bedside. She closed her eyes again, wishing this was all a dream and that, if she opened her eyes, the whole situation would be gone.

'Meredith, come on honey, wake up. You have a meeting to go to,' she heard Rachelle say, but she didn't care about the meeting. She didn't want to go because if she went to the meeting, she would hear what was wrong with Derek in detail. She would hear about the radiation, chemotherapy, the pain he was in. And she knew they almost were out of options here.

'I don't want to go,' she mumbled. she turned her back to them, pretending she was trying to fall asleep. She heard Lexie whisper, but she couldn't hear what she was saying. A few seconds later, she heard the door. She sighed, happy to be alone. Slowly she turned back and opened her eyes.

'You didn't think we all left, did you?' Christina said when she saw the look on Meredith's face. 'Don't you dare to turn around again, Meredith!' she demanded when she saw Meredith turning away again.

'Christina, please,' Meredith pleaded. With the little strength she had, she pushed herself up. She looked at Christina and knew what was going to come.

'No Meredith. You can't run away from this, I won't allow it,' Christina said on a harsh tone. 'I know he left you in a unbearable situation, I get it. But that doesn't mean you can take a "get out the jail for free" card and just go back to Paris.'

'Why not! Why do I have to stay? You and I both know that it would only do more harm than good!" Meredith said, getting frustrated with the fact that Christina wasn't on her side completely anymore. Christina sighed.

'That's not true. He asked for you, every day since you left. I didn't said anything because you didn't want me to. But he still thinks of you, a lot.'

Meredith stared at the wall. She didn't knew what to say. When Derek left, she thought that he didn't care about her anymore, that he was done with her. She tried to ban him out of her life, and it had worked. She started not to ask about him anymore, even not to think about him anymore. But at the same time, he asked for her every day.

'You know Mer, this is not only about you. People love him in this hospital. Richard, Owen, Mark... They all love Derek. God, even I have to admit i started to like him after I worked with him on a V.I.P. patient. He is a good man, Mer, even after all he did to you, he's a good man.' Christina looked at Meredith, but when she didn't saw any reaction, she continued. 'I know you can save him. I know your specialty is the brain and that you also know a lot about general surgery, but it's good to have someone on the team who doesn't work here.'

A tear felt down Meredith's cheek. She looked at Christina with watery eyes. 'I don't know if I can, Chris. I can't see him hurt like this. I've read the file, he's in pain. And the worst thing is that you all are running out of options here. You've done radiation, chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant isn't an option. How am I supposed to be his doctor and help him if I know what's ahead!'

'I don't know Meredith, you just have to! I know you. Afterwards, you will never forget yourself for the fact that you didn't do anything to help him,' Christina yelled frustraded.

Meredith swallowed and looked at her friend. She knew she was right, but she was just so scared to face him. She knew that it wasn't possible not to see him, but she had to avoid talking with him. And then, there was an idea. It was crazy, even for her. But maybe it was the solution. She stood up and looked at Christina. 'You are right. Come on, you help me with something.'

* * *

><p>With her phone in her hand, Meredith was walking back to the hospital. It did her good to clean up her head a little bit. Together with Christina she did some shopping and now she was calling Jake to make her feel a little more confident about the whole case.<p>

'_Hey sweatheart, how are you?'_

Meredith smiled. 'I'm okay. Everything allright over there?'

She heard Jake laughing. '_Well, you are not gonna believe this, but it's a quiet day at the hospital! How is the case?'_

'It's okay, I have a meeting in about fifteen minutes. It's complicated, though,' she answered.

_'Is it such a difficult case then? You mailed me that it was someone with cancer?'_

'Yes,' she said. 'But the guy is someone I know.' When she said it, Meredith felt a sting in her heart.

For a minute, it was silent. _'It's Derek, isn't it?'_ she heard Jake saying.

Meredith swallowed. 'Yes,' she whispered, afraid of the reaction from Jake.

_'You can do it, Mer,'_ Jake said after a while. _'You are over him and it is strictly business, right?'_

'True,' Meredith awnsered, a little bit surprised at Jake's reaction.

_'Damn it, I have to go. I mail you tonight, okay? Love you.'_

'I love you too,' Meredith answered and hang up. When she put her cellphone away, she noticed that Christina was looking at her.

'Shut up,' she said, laughing. Christina raised a eyebrow.

'I love you? You don't say I freakin' love you, Mer!'

'You know I have to,' Meredith answered, still with a smile on her face.

Christina nodded. 'Come on, let's go inside. I can't wait to see the reaction of the others when they see your new look!'

'What the?' Jean said shocked while he was looking at a woman with brown eyes, glasses and long, straight, chocolate brown hair. Under her lab coat, she was wearing a dark red, casual dress with high also looked at her with disbelief. Then, there was a smile on both faces. 'Meredith,' They both said at the same time.

'Do you guys love the look?' she said with a small smile..

Jean nodded. 'It's that I'm gay, but damn Meredith, you look hot!'

Rachelle laughed and hit Jean on the back of his head. 'You look fabulous! But why?'

Meredith sighed.'I don't want Derek to see me. If he know I am me, he will ask questions and stuff. In this way, I can be his doctor.'

'That makes sence,' Rachelle said.

'Don't you have to have another name tag, then?' Meredith looked down at her tag.

'They have to make a new one, I think. From now on, I am dr. Stanson.'

Rachelle and Jean started laughing. 'I believe we heard the name before,' Jean said.

Meredith smiled. 'It's Jake's last name,' she explained to Christina.

'Well in that case we have to get used to it, don't we?' Christina answered.

Suddenly, Rachelle looked at Meredith. 'How do you know this will work?'

Meredith looked thoughtful. Rachelle was right, she had to make sure that the disguise was working. She looked around and saw Alex at the nursing station with Mark.

She looked back at Rachelle and smiled widely. 'If I can get the phone number of one of those guys, then the new look works.'

Christina, Rachelle and Jean nodded. 'Deal.'

Meredith gave her name tag to Christina and walked over the nursing station. She went to the nurse who was on the phone and looked impatiently on her watch.

'Can i help you with something?' she heard Mark saying. Meredith turned around and looked at him and smiled.

'Are you a doctor here?' Mark reached out his hand.

'Mark Sloan, very, very nice to meet you.'

'Abigail Stenson, likewise,' she answered. Then, she looked at Alex. 'And you are?'

'Alex Karev,' he answered with a smile. 'What can we do for you?'

'Well, I am a new doctor here and I would like to get to the administration, but I am kind of lost. Could you tell me where it is?' Meredith asked with her sweetest voice.

'Of course honey,' Mark said. 'Second floor, third door on the left. You can't miss it.' He bend a little forward. 'Can we do something else for you?'

Meredith stared for a second into Mark's eyes. 'Such as?' she asked finally.

'Would you like to go for a drink later?' Alex asked. Meredith looked at him.

'That would be nice, but I have to work until late I think. But maybe you can get me your phone numbers so I can call you later?'

In no time, Mark and Alex wrote down their numbers and gave them to Meredith. 'Thanks, guys! I promise I will see you later!' she said and quickly walked back to Rachelle, Jean and Christina.

'And, did it work?' Rachelle asked with excitement. Meredith held up two notes with two phone numbers.

'Better than ever!' she answered with a smile. This way, Derek wouldn't notice the new version of her. At least, she hoped.


	8. Chapter 8 Something To Be Proud Of

**7. Something To Be Proud Of.**

'I am sorry, this is not an open meeting. You are not allowed to be here if you are not asked to be,' chief Webber said while he raised his hand.

'Chief, it's me, Meredith!'

Richard started laughing. 'I am sorry, I know Meredith and you certainly not look like her.'

Meredith looked at him with a deep frown on her face. What was the man talking about? She was asked to be here! But suddenly it hit her. The chief didn't recognize her and she didn't had her old name card on anymore.

'I am Meredith Grey, Ellis' daughter, chief,' she started with a smile on her face. 'This is just a disguise so Derek wouldn't recognize me. I changed my name card at the information desk.'

Richard frowned. 'You do sound like her,' he said after a moment of thinking.

'That's because I am me!' Meredith shrieked impatiently. She rolled up her sleeve. 'It was my mom's,' she said while she was showing Richard her watch.

Richard started to laugh. 'Well, your disguise certainly works! Come on Meredith, let's go inside.'

But Meredith grabbed his arm. 'Chief? I really would appreciate if you could not call me Meredith or doctor Grey. I want to keep my real identity a secret as much as possible. Only a few people know I am here and I want to keep it that way.'

Richard nodded. 'Of course, of course. What's your name now then?'

'Abigail Stenson, chief.'

'Well then doctor Stenson, let's go inside,' the chief spoke while he was holding the door for Meredith.

* * *

><p>Concentration wasn't Meredith's best friend, at least, not today. She knew it was important to pay attention, but she just couldn't bring herself to it. She was looking at all the people who had something to do with the case. Some of them she knew, some of them she didn't. But the most fascinating thing was that they didn't knew her at all, at least, they thought they didn't. She could pretend that she was someone. She could just be the bitchy, lovely or shy new doctor from Paris, nothing less, nothing more. And the fun part was that she had a choice. She could just pick a character and pretend it was hers.<p>

'Mer, pay attention,' Lexie whispered when she noticed Meredith was miles away.

Meredith threw her a look. 'That's not my name. Please Lexie, try to keep that in mind.' Lexie just nodded for an answer and looked back to the doctor who was presenting. But because of Lexie, Meredith started to listen. There was a discussion going on about the treatment plan and what was the best option, but Meredith noticed that the doctors who worked with Derek for a long time now, who were his friends, were quiet. The only one who was brave enough to talk was Owen Hunt. Even though Meredith never met him officially, she knew it was him just because of his ginger hair.

'That's ridiculous! You are right, dr. Shepherd is weak, but that doesn't mean we have to give up!' he said angrily.

'Doctor Hunt, you know we are doing everything we can here. But I don't know if we have a choice here,' an female, Asian woman said.

Hunt sighed frustrated. 'There has to be a way. We can't just give up on him. There must be something we aren't seeing doctor Theng Li. There has to be.'

'I am sorry, but I don't see it. There are too many things going on in his body,' Doctor Theng Li answered calm. 'The best thing is just to ease his pain.'

'No,' whispered Meredith and before she knew there was a cold silence. Every single eye was directed in her way.

'Did you say something, doctor?' Doctor Theng Li asked after a few seconds.

Meredith looked around and saw hopeful looks of her old and new colleagues. 'We can't give up on him. From what I've heard, Doctor Shepherd is a kind, sweet, loved man. He is damn good at his job, he is a friend to everyone and he is a fighter. The man deserves a chance to fight!'

'I am sorry, but who are you?'

Meredith looked at the doctor for one second. 'I am Abigail Stenson. I am one of the doctors from Paris.'

Doctor Theng Li looked at Meredith with narrowed eyes. Well then, doctor Stenson. It sounds to me like you know him. If you do, please go back to Paris, because I can't use more friends of him. I have a room full of those!'

Meredith swallowed. 'I don't,' she answered soft. 'It's just that I think that we haven't done enough for him. Yes, there are a lot of friends of him in this room, but these friends are also brilliant surgeons. My guess is that he made a special request?' she looked at the Chief, who nodded slowly. 'He asked for these doctors, not oncology, right? What do you think is the reason for that?'

Doctor Theng Li shrug her shoulders. 'Because there are his friends,' she answered nonchalant.

Meredith shook her head. 'Because he thinks that they will fight for him, until there is no other option then giving up!' she said fiercely.

'What would you do then? Because I don't hear a solution coming out of those pretty lips of yours,' Meredith heard a tall, blond doctor saying. She looked at him, blown away for one second, but she recovered herself quickly.

'I think that we should take one problem at the time,' she answered slowly, still thinking.

The blond doctor smirked. 'And how would you do that?'

'Well, like doctor Theng Li said, there are a lot of things going on in his body. Could someone name them for me?' Meredith said while she stood up and walked to the board.

'the renal failure,' Christina answered. Meredith took the marker and wrote it down. 'What else?'

'The cancer, of course,' the blond doctor said.

Meredith smiled sweetly. 'Could you tell me your name?' she asked.

'Doctor Michael Brooks,' the guy answered proud.

'The muscle weakness,' Lexie said out of nothing. Meredith smiled to her and nodded.

'And not to forget, the headaches,' Owen added.

Meredith looked at the list. 'We are missing something, aren't we?' she asked after a while. She looked around to see if someone gave her an answer. 'What about the lung problems?'

'Well,' started a small, dark woman, 'we have that one under control. It was pneumonia, but we caught it early enough so we could fix it with some other antibiotics.'

Meredith smiled to the doctor. She'd recognized doctor Bailey from the beginning of the meeting. She was kind of nervous that she would recognize her too, but luckily that wasn't the case.

'Alright then. I think we have to start with the kidneys first.' She spoke lightly.

Before someone could say something, the Chief stepped in. 'Thank you doctor Stenson. Okay people, I think we have a treatment plan. Let's go save lives now, people.'

* * *

><p>'You did well over there, Mer!' Jean said with a smile. The whole meeting, he and Rachelle were there to observe the meeting to learn how another hospital was working.<p>

Meredith smiled. She had to admit that she was a little bit proud of herself. Even though it was difficult for her, she still could think of the things that were best for the patient.

'You think so?' she asked.

'Yeah! You kicked some asses over there!' Rachelle reacted with enthusiasm.

'Doctor Stenson, could I speak with you for a moment?' Meredith heard the Chief saying behind her back. She turned around and saw that doctor Theng Li was also standing there. Rachelle and Jean walked away, still chatting about the meeting.

'I know that you are only here for a day now, but I thought what you did was impressive,' the chief spoke. Meredith smiled politely and looked at Theng Li, who wasn't pleased at all. 'Thank you, sir,' she answered.

'That's not the only thing. I would like you to work with doctor Liam Theng Li. She is one of the attendings who was is dr. Shepherds case from the beginning and the main attending on this case. I think she can tell you a lot of things you don't know yet while you will work on the treatment plan.'

'What?' doctor Theng Li said with disbelief.

Chief Webber turned to the doctor. 'It's good to have someone on the team who is not working in this hospital. You will need it.'

Meredith found it was time to step in and reached her hand. 'It will be a pleasure working with you,' she said, but she didn't get a handshake. Instead of that, doctor Theng li threw her a look and walked away.

'Well then, it's time for you to meet the patient doctor Stenson,' the Chief said and he turned around. Meredith was nailed to the ground for one second. She sighed and shook her head. Then, she followed Chief Webber with only a few words in her head. The moment was here…


	9. Chapter 9 After All These Years

**8. After All These Years**

Footsteps. That was the sound Meredith was focusing on. She was so nervous that she told herself to focus on her footsteps, hoping the nerves would go away. But they didn't, in fact, they became worse. In a few moments, she would see Derek again. A sick Derek, a Derek who had cancer. And that last thing scared her the most because she had never seen him weak before.

'This is the room,' Chief Webber mumbled. He looked at Meredith who was standing behind him.

Meredith nodded. 'How do I look, chief?' she asked.

The chief got a smile on his face. 'Well, past the fact that you look like you could break down any moment, you look lovely.'

'I'm sorry, I am nervous,' Meredith confessed.

'Don't be. He is not going to recognize you at all. You look very different.'

Meredith sighed deeply. 'I think I am ready.'

Chief Webber turned back to the door and knocked. When they heard a soft "come in", the chief opened the door. Meredith was forcing herself to go inside as well, concentrating on the chart she was holding so her hands wouldn't shake as much as they did. She decided to stay in the doorway until Richard introduced her.

'Derek, how are you feeling?' chief Webber asked politely.

Derek raised himself up. 'I'm feeling much better with the antibiotics. Tell me, how was the meeting?'

The chief opened his mouth to answer, but looked at Meredith, who was getting more nervous by the minute. She nodded and looked at the chart again.

Derek started to panic a little. 'Richard, please. Don't be silent. I know what it means, I still am a doctor, you know? I know that when doctors are silent, something bad is coming.'

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. After a long discussion, this new doctor came up with a new treatment plan. At least, she is trying to.' Richard checked his pager. 'I am sorry, I have to go. I'll check on you later.'

Meredith looked how the chief went away with a frown on her forehead. The nerves, who just were just a little bit gone, came back in a flash.

'Could I ask for your name?' Derek asked with a smile on his face.

That was the first time that Meredith looked at him. He looked the same as three years ago! His perfect hair was the same, the little stubbles on his face were the same, even the spark in his eyes wasn't gone. The only thing that betrayed his illness was that his muscles were gone and that he looked a bit pale.

'I'm sorry,' Meredith mumbled. 'What did you say, sir?'

Derek's smile became wider. 'I asked if I could finally know what your name was so I know who my lovely new doctor is.'

Because of that answer, Meredith knew that he hadn't changed a bit. He was flirting with her! Normally, she would get pissed off and shut it down immediately, but it sort of calmed her down. At least he didn't know who she really was, right? She decided get along with it.

'I am doctor Abigail Stenson,' she said with a fake smile on her face. 'And you must be doctor Shepherd?'

'Please, call me Derek.'

Meredith walked a little bit closer to the bed. 'All right then, Derek it is. You can call me Abigail,' she said, but regretted it immediately. Why did she do this? She was supposed to be cold and business. Instead of that, she let the patient call her by her first name! 'Okay Derek,' she continued like nothing happened. 'I haven't figured it all out, but your treatment plan basically isn't more than looking to your illness step by step. I think that's the best we could do right now.'

Meredith saw Derek thinking. 'What are you going to treat first, then?' he asked after a few seconds. 'Well, I think the best option is to focus on the kidneys right now. I know that they tried dialysis before, but I want to give it another shot. Maybe we have to adjust your medications, see if that helps,' Meredith answered, trying to sound as professional as possible. She looked at the chart again, but was actually reading something this time. She frowned a little. Then, she stared at Derek, her mind spinning.

'What is it?' Derek asked after a minute or two.

'Well, they thought about hypercalcemia at first, didn't they? I mean, as cause of the renal failure?' Meredith asked, still thinking.

Derek nodded. 'yeah, but the medication didn't work. They also thought about Fanconi syndrome, but It wasn't that either.'

'Okay, that's good to know. Well, I want to talk to doctor Bailey first since she is the head of general before I give you some new medication.'

Derek smiled a little. 'You know doctor Bailey?' he asked.

Meredith looked up from the chart for a second. 'I've met her at the meeting, What a fierce, little woman!'

Derek started laughing and Meredith cracked a real smile. She looked at him, fighting to look the other side, but she couldn't get her eyes of him. There it was, the well-known McDreamy smile. Even after three years, he still got it. The smile that made her fell in love with him. She quickly shook her head, closed the chart and turned around to walk out of the room.

'Wait,' she heard Derek say. 'Could I ask you something? I know I am not supposed to but nobody else would tell me if I asked.'

Meredith turned back and looked at him. 'I normally don't do this, but you are a kind of colleague, so, ask.'

Derek sighed softly. 'Why did the meeting took so long? Don't get me wrong, but did it took so long to come up with this treatment plan?'

Meredith didn't knew what to say. She didn't want to answer that question, protect him from the answer. But like he said, nobody else would answer it and it meant that he trusted her as a doctor. She stepped a little closer so she could sit on the end of the bed.

'They almost wanted to give up on you,' she started. 'They didn't saw any options anymore so they wanted to ease your pain while they could. But they gave you another shot after I convinced that you weren't tired of fighting.' Meredith looked at Derek, who was speechless. He just looked at Meredith, shocked.

'I am glad I convinced them,' she added before she stood up and started to walk away. She heard that he said "me too", but she just had to keep walking, before anybody could see the tears she was fighting.


	10. Chapter 10 AN

Hey!

I know, it has been ages! Lots of schoolwork, family problems, you know it. And I know you hear that a lot from writers, so I don't want to use it as an excuse. The real reason? First of all, I forgot my fanfic, which is terrible. Second of all, I am having a HUGE writersblock. Like, gigantic.

But the reason I wanted to write again is because there are still people reading my fic! And that says something, doesn't it?

I've decided to re-write the chapters, I think that will help. While I was reading it again, I've noticed some grammatical things, so will change those. Also, one of the reasons of my writersblock is that some characters are a pain in the ass. They are "dead characters", they don't live. So we are going to do something about that.

Stay tuned, please! I could use your support!

Love,

Scarlett


	11. Chapter 11 I Feel It All

****_A/N: it's like 2 a.m. here in the Netherlands, and normally i would sleep right now. But i wanted to finish this so badly. I'm back! i re-wrote the chapters (the only downside is that all my a/n's are gone now) and i think it's better. It's not completely necessary to re-read them, but if you want to know little bit more details, i would recommend it :) Oh, by the way! thank you guys! because of your reviews, this story came back to life for me! So really, thanks. And i will update more from now on! Enjoy!_

**9. I Feel It All.**

'I… can't… breathe…'

She sat down on the ground of the supply closet, breathing heavily. Holding on to the pillars, she tried to get up, searching for a plastic bag or something. Tears were streaming down her face, but Meredith didn't care. This was too much, just too much.

'Mer, are you in there?'

Shit. There was someone who saw her going into the closet, but she couldn't hear who it was. While she hold the bag to her mouth with one hand, and whipped her tears away with the other, she slowly walked to the door to listen. When she heard nothing, she went to the corner again and sat down.

With a bang, the door opened. 'Come on Meredith, you have-,' Christina looked at Meredith with a frown on her forhead. 'Are you okay?'

Meredith gave Christina a look and shook her head. 'No... can't breathe,' she answered while she looked at the ground again. She felt that Christina kneeled down, softly touching her knee and pulling her hair behind her ear.

With tears in her eyes, Meredith looked up. 'He flirted… with me,' she said softly.

'He what? What do you mean? He didn't recognize you, did he?'

Meredith shooked her head. 'No, he didn't.' A tear fell her eyelid on her cheek. 'He just… flirted. And I let him.'

'Mer, what's the problem? You know he knows that it's inappropriate. He probably was just having fun, challenging you a bit.' Christina gave her a sympathetic smile. 'Come on, let's grab a snack from the vending machine. I'm starving!' She stood up, trying to pull Meredith up, but she didn't let her.

Another tear fell down on Meredith's cheek. She took her new glasses and looked at it. 'He is so sick, Chris. So sick.' She mumbled, and while she did, she broke down in tears.

'Oh Mer,' Christina said, her voice full with compession.

'He is so sick, but he is still flirting. He is still smiling his McDreamy smile and he's is still making jokes. He has cancer, and still he is an optimist, like he always has been,' Meredith spoke, letting her tears fall down freely now.

Christina grabbed Meredith's hand. 'I know. Despite all this stuff, he still is willing to fight. I think it's admirable.'

Through her tears, Meredith cracked a smile. 'You think Derek is admirable, seriously?'

'Shut up,' Christina responded with a smile.

Meredith sighed and whipped her tears away again. Now she was a little calmer, she was able to look around. 'Remember when we hid here together? I was avoiding Susan and you were hiding for Collin Marlow?'

A laugh filled the room. 'I still believe that I was here first,' Christina answered.

With a smile on her face, Meredith stood up. 'Come on, we have to go. People will start to think were crazy if we stay here any longer.'

'True,' Christina said while she followed Meredith's example. 'Are you in for a drink later? I believe that Alex, Izzie, lexie and Mark are also coming.'

Meredith nodded, opening the door. 'That sounds nice. I'll bring Rachelle and Jean with me, okay?' she asked.

'Fine by me. See you tonight, doctor Stenson,' Christina said and then walked away. Meredith stared for a moment and then went the other way. Luckily, Christina had given her a little bit more confidence.

* * *

><p>Meredith entered the bar with a smile on her face. Her hair was wet because of the rain, her feet hurt and she was thirsty as hell, but she didn't care. She was back at Joe's and it felt great. Unlike the hospital, Joe's bar changed. There was new furniture and the whole place was a little bit brighter. But despite that, it was still the same bar.<p>

On the way to the bar, Meredith remembered the first time she came here. She thought of when she first met Derek. The tequila, Derek's good looking shirt, his cheesy comments… But it didn't hurt her, surprisingly. It was a good memory, one to hold on to. And when she was almost at Joe's, she decided to let it go for tonight. For tonight, she was no longer Meredith, but doctor Abigail Stenson.

'Hey, you made it!' Lexie said with a smile when Meredith walked to the table. Meredith simply smiled back and looked at the rest. Christina sat next to Izzie, who also sat next to George, and Rachelle and Jean sat across them. The only two who were still missing, were Mark and Alex.

'I was just about to get something to drink. What would you like?' Lexie asked.

Meredith thought for a moment. Normally, she would have taken tequila straight away, but that would betray her disguise. 'A white wine, please,' she said then and hoist herself up on a barstool.

George looked at her, confused. 'I'm sorry, but have we met before?'

Meredith looked at him for a second. Then, she looked at Izzie, who was also looking confused. She didn't know what to do; it was good to know that her disguise worked so well, but Izzie and George were her friends. They would find out sooner than later. She looked at Christina for a brief second, but she just sat there with a big smile on her face.

'One white wine, as ordered.' Lexie put the glass in front of Meredith. She quickly took a sip and sighed.

'Izzie, George, it's me, Meredith. This is just a disguise for Derek,' Meredith said with a brief smile.

Izzie's mouth fell open. 'Wow! I didn't even recognize you!'

'Well, that's what this disguise is for,' Christina said while she took a sip of her beer.

George took a string of Meredith's brown hair and looked at it with admiration. 'Is this your real hair? Don't get me wrong, I liked you blonde, but this looks nice!'

'That's what I said,' Jean said.

The whole group started laughing. When she heard the doorbell, Meredith looked up for a second, like a kind of habit. She saw Mark and Alex walking towards the table.

'For tonight, I am Abigail Stenson,' Meredith whispered quick. 'They don't know that I am me.'

'Who don't know?' Izzie shrieked. Rachelle, Meredith and Christina gestured that she had to be quiet, but it was already too late.

'Don't know what?' Mark asked with a smile. 'Doctor Stenson! What a surprise! I'm glad you could make it,' he said with a wink.

Meredith hit Izzie and George with her shoe so that they would be silent. Then, she lifted her glass. 'Likewise, doctor Sloan.'

'Please, call me Mark. We're off duty, aren't we?'

Meredith smiled her sweetest smile. 'That's true. Where is your friend?' she asked while she looked around.

Mark simply waved with his head. 'At the bar, ordering a beer. I would ask if I could get you a drink, but I see that you are already have one.'

For a moment, Meredith looked Mark straight in his eyes. She wanted to say something, but she couldn't find the right words. She was looking at him closely. Age had hit him a little bit, leaving soft wrinkles at his eyes and a little bit salt and pepper in his hair, but it was kind of charming.

'Mark, come on. We still have to do a re-match,' Alex said while he gave Mark his beer. 'Well, doctor Stenson! Care to join us?'

Meredith unhooked her eyes from Mark and looked at Alex, faking a confused look. 'Join you with what?'

Alex smiled. 'Darts, of course! The others will join us too.' The others just nodded with smiles on their faces, enjoying this little show too much to interrupt.

Meredith put her glass down and stood up. 'Well then, let's dart!' she said with enthusiasm, knowing that this would be a long, but very funny night.


	12. Chapter 12 Speed of Sound

_A/N: Hey guys! Here is the new chapter! I was a little bit stuck with this one, but i've managed that. I hope you enjoy this chapter and please, review! :)_

**10. Speed of Sound**

'_What do you mean, you have to go? Where are you going?. And why can't I go with you? Come on Derek, don't do this!' Meredith yelled trough the phone, tears welling up in her eyes. She couldn't believe what he was doing. They loved each other, and finally had the chance to love each other in public. No more secrets, no more lying, just the lovely truth. _

'_I am sorry,' she heard on the other side of the line. The first tear went down her cheek. _

' _But we just went to dinner together,' Meredith mumbled. 'Why?' _

_After a moment of silence, Derek sighed. 'I just wanted to see you and kiss you one more time,' he said. _

'_What?' yelled Meredith. 'I can't believe you! Derek, why didn't you say anything!' _

'_Because I wanted to have one last moment together,' he answered. _

_Meredith whipped her tears away. She couldn't believe this! He knew he had to go the whole time, God knows where to, and he didn't say anything to her. In fact, he pretended that nothing was going on. The only thing he did, was giving an envelope with the line "open me when you are home" on it. And Meredith wished she didn't do that._

'_Sorry Meredith, I have to go,' she heard him saying. 'Please, be strong.'_

'_No Derek, please! Just tell me where you are going!' _

'_I can't,' he answered simply. _

_Meredith was silent for a moment, feeling tears fall freely now. 'Just give me something to hold on to,' she whispered. 'I beg you Derek, if you don't, you won't see me again.' _

'_Just be strong,' Derek answered. 'Be strong, for me.' _

_Those words were the last before he hung up the phone. Meredith listened to the dead tone for what looked minutes. Then, she fell down on the bathroom floor, allowing herself to break down completely… _

By the sound of the alarm, Meredith woke up. She slammed the alarm off, adjusting to the fact that she was awake. She wasn't surprised that she dreamt about Derek, again. In fact, she was getting used to it When she turned around, she felt the headache she had because of the wine from last night. But even though she had a bit of a hangover, she smiled. It was the first night in ages that she really had fun. When she went out in Paris with Jean and Rachelle, Jake joined them. And normally she would do what she wanted to do, but Jake was possessive, and not a little bit. Sometimes it was charming, but most of the time it annoyed her. She wasn't allowed to drink much, to look at guys, let alone talk.

But now he wasn't here, she could do everything she wanted. So she flirted, hard. The fact that Mark was into her and didn't know she was playing doctor Stenson, amused her. Of course she wouldn't do anything with him because she was engaged, but this was just too easy. And it became even better when Alex found out that she was Meredith. He didn't say a word about it and played along the whole time last night and even tried to couple Mark and Abigail. But when they were in the car on the way home, he simply said that he was glad to see Meredith and that he wouldn't say a thing to Mark.

There was a soft knock on her door. Before Meredith could answer, Alex opened the door. He walked into the room and gave one of the two cups of coffee he was holding to Meredith. She simply smiled as an answer.

'I thought you could use it,' he said and sat on the bed.

'Thanks,' she said. 'Do you have to go to the hospital this morning?'

Alec nodded. 'Yeah, in half an hour. You?''

Meredith smiled briefly. 'Me too. I have to talk to the chief before it becomes busy.' Meredith took a sip of her coffee and looked at him. 'Can I ask you something?'

'You can ask me anything.'

Meredith waited a second before asking. 'How did you find out it was me?'

She could see that Alex wasn't prepared at this question. It took him a moment to form his answer. 'I don't know,' he said then. 'I had a feeling it was you. I don't know exactly why, but I think it was a look or something I recognized. But then you took your glasses for a moment at the bar last night, and then I knew it was you.'

'I see,' she said, not knowing what to say. Alex was the first one who recognized her.

'Don't worry,' Alex said with a smile when he saw the confusion on Meredith's face. 'It's a good disguise. I don't think anyone will notice that it's you. I just knew because I lived with you.'

'Thank you,' she said. 'I have to take a shower, do you want a lift to the hospital?'

Alex stood up. 'Yeah, sounds nice,' he answered simply before walking out of the room.

* * *

><p>'Are you sure you want more cases? I know that Derek's case is hard on you and I don't want you to become overworked.' Chief Webber looked at Meredith with concern on his face.<p>

'Yes, I'm sure,' Meredith said. 'I think it will be easier if I also have some other things to do besides figuring out how to help him. And doctor l'Abeille and doctor d'Avigne would also like to do something.'

'Okay, you have privileges and so do your friends. We actually could use a little backup, especially in Neuro. What are the specialties of the other two doctors?'

'Cardio and General, sir.'

The chief looked into some papers before answering. 'They can work with Yang and Brooks. Do you know who the man is?'

Meredith thought for a moment. 'He was the blond doctor at the meeting, wasn't he?'

Doctor Webber smiled. 'That's right,' he answered simply.

Meredith stood up from her chair and smiled. 'Thank you chief,' she said with a little smile and walked to the door. But then, she stopped. 'Chief?'

'Yes?' doctor Webber answered, looking up from his papers.

'Who should I work with?'

The chief looked at her for a minute, like he didn't know what to say. 'If you are up for it, you can work on your own,' he said after a while. 'Just simple cases, nothing too hard. If there is something wrong, you can ask doctor Nelson. But remember that your main focus is Derek's case.'

'Thank you!' Meredith said with enthusiasm. After that, she closed the door and walked towards the nurses' station and she looked into a patient's file. When she saw one of the nurses, she told her to page her if there was a case for her. Then, she walked to the patients room with the file under her arm. At the door, she closed her eyes for a moment. Then, she knocked and walked into the room.

'Doctor Shepherd, how are you feeling today?' Meredith asked quickly.

Derek pushed himself up into the pillows and smiled a little. 'Actually, I am feeling quite fine. I think the medicine is working.'

Meredith opened the file again and looked at it. 'Ah, yes. Doctor Bailey gave you the Plicamycin.' She flipped to another page. 'It's looking a bit better.'

'What was it, then?' Derek asked.

'Well,' Meredith started. 'I think it was hypercalcemia, even though the first medicine didn't work. This medicine is rarely used, but it's worth a shot. We might still have to do a dialysis.'

Derek nodded. 'As long if it's working,' he said lightly. 'How is your day, doctor Stenson?'

Meredith looked at him with a frown. She hesitated for a moment, searching for an answer. 'You are not supposed to ask me that, you are the patient,' she said with a little smile.

Derek shrugged. 'So?' he said with a smile. 'I think we are going to spend a lot of time together, so we might as well get to know each other.'

'I am fine,' she answered with a giggle. 'enjoying my stay here. What about you, Doctor Shepherd?'

'Derek.'

'Derek then,' Meredith said and rolled her eyes.

Derek laughed. 'You are asking a sick man how his day has been?'

With a frown on her face, Meredith answered his question. 'I think I am.'

'Well,' Derek started. 'My day is just perfect. I ate lunch, slept a lot. Oh, and I watched a dull, boring movie, which was about the highlight of the day, until you came.'

'Doctor Shepherd,' Meredith laughed. 'You are being inappropriate!'

'I don't think I am!' Derek said with a smile on his face. Meredith looked at his blue eyes, sparkling like never before. She could drown in his look, but she knew she shouldn't. But the conversation with him was so nice and light. She never had those with Jake. With Jake, it was always about work, or something big. He never asked how her day was because he knew it. They worked together, so he didn't bother to ask.

Then, she was saved by her pager. 'I am sorry, I have to go. Just be strong for me, okay?'

Meredith hurried out of the room and walked down the hall to the nurses' station. When she stood there, she quickly smiled at Lexie and Christina, who both looked up from updating some charts.

'I was paged for a consult?' she asked one of the nurses. The nurse waved at doctor Nelson, who walked into Meredith's direction.

He shook her hand and gave Meredith a quick smile. 'I heard that you are doing some cases in Neuro and I thought I should introduce myself,' Doctor Nelson said. 'I have a case you might be interested in. He gave Meredith the scans and she looked at them. 'It's nothing big, but I thought you would like to take this one.'

Meredith nodded. 'That's nice of…' Before she could finish her sentence, her pager went off again. This time, she heard other pagers go of as well. She looked down on the little screen. '911,' she mumbled. It took her a second to process the information. Then, it hit her.

'Oh god,' she managed to say, looking over her shoulder to face Christina and Lexie. Then, she sprinted to Derek's room.


End file.
